Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
