if only i could text you this smell
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
