Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My ass is underappreciated
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
