make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
