apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
