Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
