It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
