her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
