So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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