a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
