I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
