I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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