I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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