drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
