On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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