Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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