her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
is it fun? or sober?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
