Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
