She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
