i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
