Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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