So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Randomize