found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
