so explain again why im purple
no
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
