So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
