Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
