youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
