Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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