3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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