she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
