I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
