I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Everything about him screamed your future.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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