i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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