i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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