p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
