using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
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I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
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i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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