ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
