i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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