Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
