Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
