Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
