not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
