im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My balls are so social today.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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