we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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