Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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