smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
