I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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