There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i think my cat just said my name.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
