Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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