the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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