I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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