Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
