he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Everyone says I win the strip club
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
