There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
