dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Ketchup is God's man juice
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
