i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
