Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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