Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
