I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
