Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
