Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
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I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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