His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
