I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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