Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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