hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
a search helicopter?!
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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