1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
