I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
someone get that fucking seahorse.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
