I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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