Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.