you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
