I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.