Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
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There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again