ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
