Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.