is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.