This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.