Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
