i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
