mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
